Myriad Launches “Very Cool” New Cloud Security Features
Working in security brings various images to mind. Some might think of secret service agents dressed sharply in black, with sunglasses and earpieces. Others might think of the bouncer outside their local club. Still more might think of vested event staff armed with little more than walky-talkies and lanyards.
But in computers, networking, and data storage, security personnel look like what you’d expect any IT employee to look like. While the outfit certainly works well—it’s optimized both for office and home environments—it lacks a certain “it” factor. Yes, pun intended.
We at Myriad take data security seriously. We’re pioneering the “Zero Trust” movement in cloud data technologies. Our process of encrypting data and then spreading it out over multiple cloud vendors ensures unparalleled security, integrity, and availability of data. And, while “encryption” and “data sharding” sound cool, we’ve always wanted to take things a step further.
That’s why we’re very proud to announce our very cool new security feature: The Secret Data Service. Like the secret service (or like security in spy movies), we are prepared to outfit you with a smart Italian suit and either a tuxedo or ball gown. This will certainly up the “cool” factor of your usual IT performance wear.
Additionally, we will provide two security professionals who are trained in martial arts. These two will guard a third, official-looking person carrying a metal briefcase handcuffed to their arm. The metal briefcase may contain your encryption keys, dummy/decoy keys, your car or office keys, or whatever else you want to fit in there. Unfortunately, the person carrying the suitcase will not be trained in martial arts, and they may be meek.
This outfit change and additional security team will improve your security posture by making you look as cool as you feel. Plus, we’re offering a few customization options:
· If your organization is evil, we will substitute security guards with henchmen
· All members of the Secret Data Service can have cool accents
· You can make up cool nicknames for each team member
Please be advised that the security guards are vulnerable to highly-trained professional operatives like James Bond, Sydney Bristow, and Sterling Mallory Archer. They are weak to karate chops, take-downs involving flips, and thrown hats. Also, in the event of a gunfight, they will not hit the broad side of a barn.
However, the Secret Data Service will make your security team look the part. And, considering everything else that Myriad offers, we think that this was the only missing piece.
Would you like to learn more about what Myriad actually does? Follow the links below!